I was so swept up in the upcoming holidays in November, that the 1 year anniversary of Unchosen Star came and went without any fanfare! So I’m going to take a bit here to reflect on this journey I’ve been taking myself on.
I’ve always been into webcomics, since the early days of the internet, as a wee little Stahlfeder, I stumbled onto comics like DMFA, and was thoroughly enamoured. The concept of creating something to share with the world on the internet was such a novel idea! The internet was so shiny, new and massive. It didn’t take me long to build up a library of webcomics to read, and like thousands of other would-be creators, I tried to make my own. Something easy, just a few panels. I would use my Paint Shop Pro and the Wacom Graphire my friend gave me!
To the surprise of no one, it wasn’t very good. And considering that I was 17 when I made it, and I had no real story other than “my friends and I discover a magic otherspace that lets us create fantasy worlds to play in” it didn’t last long. But the idea, that little nagging spark of creation stuck with me. I tried again a few years later, got a bit farther, a full-page comic this time with more planning, a comic about a pirate crew. (I was neck deep in my Pirates of the Caribbean obsession, don’t judge.)
This story got a bit farther! I learned more, and also learned that doing comics is… A lot of work.
This of course, comes as no surprise to anyone that has ever tried to take on a project like this, but it always seems to blind-side new creators. No matter how much an experienced comic artist can warn people, the aspiring story tellers are never prepared. I know I wasn’t.
There’s a reason most professional comic books are created by a team, rather than just one person. Story, layout, inking, lettering, colours, effects. And even after you finish all of that, where are you going to put it? Some webcomic hosting sites had a bunch of pre-built scripts, but you still had to wrangle it into some semblance of identity. There is no “Just put it on the internet”! And from there, advertising, getting other people to come read it. It’s all well and good to tell a story for your own sake, but half the reason to put yourself out on the internet is so you can share your ideas with the world.
Then the hardest part, the stumbling block of every webcomic, is to just…. Keeping going. Making one page, sure. Two pages, yeah, this is fun! Three pages, oh wait this is tedious.
Momentum is the killer of so many long form projects, whether it be a webcomic, or a novel or any sort of creative endeavor. Ideas are easy. They’re not free, for sure, but the spark of creation can really only be fueled by a lot of hard work and time. How many times have I had the best ideas driving home from work, or trying to fall asleep at night, but then never followed through with them? Countless. Countless times. I have so many sparks, both good and bad, rattling around in my head, and I can only hope that I can do something with a fraction of them.
I found as I kept trying and abandoning projects, that one of my biggest hurdles was skill level. Which in itself is silly, since one of the things I loved and admired about webcomics was that the readers got to see the artist grow and evolve as they told their story! It made me so happy for them to be able to see where they started, versus where they are now, and then get to continue to be there as they improved. For me though, this was non-negotiable, it would seem. The combination of feeling like I wasn’t good enough alongside the sheer volume of work it was, there was also an underlaying feeling of “Why bother?”
Not quite imposter syndrome, but definitely insecurity. It would be particularly bad when I had an idea in my head, but I just didn’t have the skill to convey it on paper. I could write the scenes no problem, I could plan, but I couldn’t execute to my own satisfaction.
Now, at this point it’s been more than 20 years of that spark percolating in my head. More than 20 years of drawing and writing, but never quite getting the two hobbies to mesh. I love to write and create, and was active in the NaNoWriMo community for years, so the desire to tell stories has never stopped. If anything, that desire got stronger, as I learned and grew as a creative. I picked up hobbies, some stuck around, some didn’t, but along the way I never once stopped learning and growing.
One of the things I’ve had to learn over time, is when to dive into a rabbit hole and when to restrain myself. I have always had this tendency to embrace a new hobby with my entire soul, investing a great deal of time, energy and money into absorbing it. During the lockdowns, I was bored and tried out VRChat, and immediately became obsessed with creating textures for avatars. I learned how to use Substance Painter, Unity and started making skins for my friends, and even took commissions! I took some classes on Blender, so I could learn how to start making tweaks to avatars.
No knowledge is wasted, even on the paths we never pursue. When I learned Sound Design in college, I learned that sound theory is very much not my thing, but 10 years later I still remember bits and pieces about noise frequency and speaker placement. Do I use that knowledge? Not really, but I appreciate the people who do use it and can do things that I can’t. Sometimes learning new things is really just learning that it’s not something you want to do.
Fast forward to what was probably close to two years ago now, and a lot has changed in my life. I have a loving, supportive partner. I have now quite a few years of diagnosed and medicated ADHD behind me, and a lot of introspection on what makes me tick, and a lot of past habits and struggles finally explained. I’ve got a workspace that’s not just my gaming PC, with a shiny new drawing tablet, and a shiny new art program. I have a day job that I don’t hate, with great coworkers, that can pay the bills and buy the aforementioned shiny new toys. I’m in a pretty good place!
And that spark… That spark of creation, is still there.
Other Webcomics that I love, like Skin Deep, Daughter of the Lilies, Wilde Life and Sleepless Domain continue to inspire me, (along with dozens of other amazing stories), to create. To do it. To tell my own story.
The spark percolated.
But I wasn’t good enough!
I always failed!
No one cares!
STOP.
These are all things that are NOT set in stone. Not good enough? Okay, but the only way I was going to get good enough was to draw more, but I didn’t draw more because I wasn’t good enough. That’s a self fulfilling prophecy right there! What’s the best way to draw every day…?
Maybe make a webcomic?
Okay so next hurdle, I always failed. Maybe, but did I learn from past projects? Yeah, of course I did. I learned a lot! I learned a lot of what not to do, and I learned a lot about processes.
And the last hurdle, no one cares. It’s partially a lie, because I care. My friends care. And isn’t half the point of telling a story to make people care? To engage with the readers to make them want to come back every week to see what happens next? Now, that’s a challenge.
There’s a quote floating around the internet:
“The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
Attributions very, from Chinese Proverb, to African Proverb, and no one can quite agree on where it came from, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s very true. The same can be said for a Webcomic.
So I started, by picking up a pencil, and drawing.
As much as I just wanted to dive into making pages, I knew better. I waited. I worked.
I did concept art. I bought books like Understanding Comics and Making Comics by Scott McCloud. I watched how-to videos about the do’s and don’t of webcomics. I did more character art. I started outlining my story. I made sure I had an ending.
I scrapped some character art.
Now, it’s too early to say, because it really has only been just over a year of updates, but I strongly suspect that my planning phase was a big lifesaver here. Not only did it allow me to let those creative juices flow, it gave me a backbone to the whole project. It let me embrace the passion, and gave me space to create with no pressure of deadlines.
I didn’t stop. I was even more fueled to succeed. I had a plan. I had a story. I had characters. Most importantly, I had motivation. I was ready to start!
I won’t say that the past year and a half has been easy – because it hasn’t. I’ve had challenges, and roadblocks. As I’ve said many times throughout this entry, comics are a lot of work, and I still have other responsibilities. Day to day I juggle The Day Job, this Webcomic, other art projects, my family and friends, while also still making sure I take the time to relax once in a while! I love doing the comic but it’s not free, and I still need to time to sleep in, play video games, or just turn my brain off and watch some TV.
It has however, been rewarding. Am I as good as I want to be? No, but I’m better. I’m much much better than I was when I started, and the growth is visible, even to me.
I admit, I was a little indignant when I wrapped up Chapter 1 and realized how far I’d come in just that timeframe, just twenty-five pages. If I had started this project 20 years ago, how amazing of an artist could I be now? All that time wasted! The thing is, I had started a project 20 years ago, but the stars hadn’t aligned yet to give me all of the tools, resources and knowledge I have now. My past ideas were just that – ideas. They didn’t have much substance, and the ideas and plans I have for Unchosen Star are a confluence of ideas I’ve had over my lifetime. I’d always had a passion for worldbuilding and speculative biology, and a lot of aliens I’ve created for this story started as an idea years and years ago that have been polished over time.
So what do I do now?
I keep learning.
I keep working.
I keep creating.
Thank you, to all of my readers, all of my friends, and to all of the other folks out there, continuing to create in a world that is not making it easy. Keep learning, keep improving, and most of all, don’t ever stop creating.
